Who's The Parent Now?

This case study involves many interesting things that take place. It all starts with a short story of the author's take on the case that will follow and how they too felt bad about the way the began to feel when they had to take care of one of their terminally ill parents. The case begins with Kate who is talking with her counselor. She is upset because she is having to now take care of her mother who is terminaly ill and cannot take care of herself. She begins by saying "It's not that I don't want to take care of her; it's that I don't have the time." Kate feels that her mother is somewhat intruding into her personal life and she is having to put her own life on hold to take care of her mother. Kate is almost to the point of resentment towards her mother because of this and it is really starting to deminish thier mother daughter relationship. The therapist then asks her a question that really brings it all into perspective. She asks "Do you think your mother never resented taking care of you?" This really brought the situation into another light for Kate. She thought about all the times that her mother would wait on her hand and foot while she was younger and ill and how her mother never used to show that it bothered her one bit. Then she looked at her own children and thought about the same situation. Kate felt that sometimes she did resent her children for having to take care of them when they were sick and she then realized that her mother probably did as well but what makes a good mother is to hide things such as those and due the duty of a parent.
Kate is running into larger issues here though. She feels that she is not receiving proper social support for her efforts with her mother. She is looking past some of the invisible supports that are there though. Althought she feelst that she is not receiving recognition for her efforts she really is but in a subtle manner. Kate mentions that she really enjoyed her conversations with her mother and this could be considered part of her recognition. Without Kate, her mother may be even worse off and Kate would not be able to have these conversations with her. Although Kate needs more recogntion than she is getting in order for her to feel that her efforts are not going unseen. The relational satisfaction between Kate and her mother is at a alltime low as well. Kate's mother is receiving all of the pleasure and enjoyment out of the interactions while Kate is having to change her at times and dress her. Kate is involving a lot of external manifestations towards her counselor and this is a vital part of her own mental and physical health. Without this support system Kate may have the urge to just let go and stop caring for her mother. In turn this will cause her to lose the small relationship she has left with her mother and perhaps never gain this back. It seems almost of dire importance to keep what they have going so that it is not lost forever. Kate eventually comes around and see's that her efforts are not being waisted and this begins to mend her and her mothers relationship.